The Lawyer Life Podcast

Q/A: How to set boundaries at work

• Autumn Noble • Season 2 • Episode 44

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We are tackling a listener question about how to set boundaries at work. This episode dives into a topic that resonates deeply with professionals: setting boundaries at work. From handling constant interruptions to managing guilt and resentment, we break down the art of creating and maintaining boundaries that protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. I will share practical tips, communication strategies, and systems to ensure your boundaries are clear, respected, and sustainable. 

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Hello my friends and welcome to the Lawyer Life Podcast episode number 44.

 

We are shaking things up a bit today and doing things a little bit differently. And I can't wait to kick off this new chapter with you in 2025. Every now and then I'm going to be pulling a listener question and answering it live for you here.

 

I'm happy to answer questions about love, life, work, careers, and those epic rage quits that we have all dreamt about.

 

If you've got a question and need some support, this is the place for you. Whether it's navigating personal challenges, tackling career roadblocks, or simply figuring out your next step, I am here to help. I am Autumn Noble, a practicing attorney, as well as a life and career coach. I'm a Reiki master, author, and speaker, and nothing excites me more than empowering you to overcome whatever is standing in your way.

 

So grab a cup of coffee or wine, no judgment here, and let's dive into this journey together because your challenges, they're welcome here and we're gonna unpack all of it.

 

Today's listener question is focusing on boundaries, setting boundaries at work. Here's what our listener had to say.

 

I've been struggling to set boundaries at work, especially with my boss and coworkers who constantly interrupt my focus with requests and last minute tasks. I find it hard to say no because I don't want to seem unhelpful or uncooperative. How can I implement boundaries in a way that maintains professionalism and respect while protecting my time and energy?

 

This is a fantastic question to kick off this segment of the podcast. It's something that many of us struggle with, especially in a professional environment where there's so much pressure to be a team player. Setting boundaries at work is really about clear communication, consistency, and balance. So let's break it down.

 

First, we have to set the stage and talk a little bit about what are boundaries. So we're all operating from the same understanding. Boundaries are personal limits that we establish to clarify what we're comfortable with and what we're not comfortable with. They can be established to protect our mental, emotional, physical or spiritual health.

 

I like to think about boundaries as a fence around my personal space, not necessarily to keep others out, but to create clear pathways for healthy interactions. In other words, you don't get to jump my fence, you don't get to burn it down, you have to walk through the gate that I open for you.

 

When it comes to work settings, I often see three types of boundaries that are essential, emotional boundaries, mental boundaries, and time energy boundaries. When I'm talking about emotional boundaries, they are intended to protect your emotional energy and your feelings.

 

examples of those at work may mean choosing not to engage in your work besties drama because it feels so draining or setting limits on how much emotional labor you're willing to provide to others.

 

Mental boundaries involve your thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. And some examples of those

 

include respecting your own opinions even if they differ from others or politely disengaging from conversations that feel disrespectful. Last, time and energy boundaries involve how you allocate your time and your limited resources. I say limited very intentionally.

 

Some examples of that may include declining a meeting during scheduled family time or saying no to tasks that overwhelm your schedule.

 

So now that we have a clear understanding of what boundaries are, how do we go about establishing them and sticking to them? First and foremost, you gotta understand your limits.

 

We do this by starting to understand the cause of the issue. Is it constant interruptions? Is it unclear expectations? Or is it simply feeling overwhelmed by your workload?

 

Knowing what you need to change is the first step. For example, if you need uninterrupted time to focus, that's a boundary that you're gonna want to communicate.

 

This brings us to step number two, communicate proactively. Once you've identified the clear issue, have a conversation with the people involved, and it could be your boss who frequently gives you last minute tasks without any heads

 

For instance, you could say, I'm working on a deadline right now. Is this urgent? could I follow up with you in an hour once I wrap this up?

 

Another alternative is simply stating, look, I wanna do the best possible job on your projects. The best way for me to do that is to have a clear line of sight of what's coming up so I can anticipate it and make time for it. Is it possible for us to meet on a weekly basis perhaps so that we can talk about things that are coming so that I can anticipate them and make time for them?

 

for those coworkers that may constantly be interrupting you,

 

You could say, I'm working on something that I'm really focusing on right now, or I'm on a deadline today. Can we schedule time to discuss this later? Maybe we can go get coffee this afternoon and give a timeframe.

 

Another method that I have employed regularly is finding a quiet secluded place focused uninterrupted work time. And this may be something that you communicate to the parties involved. Hey, I'm gonna be away from my office for an hour or two this afternoon. I really need to focus on this brief or this memo or this project. I'll be back in my office around this particular time.

 

and just letting them know that that is your plan to address your need for focused, uninterrupted time and go book a conference room and get out of your office.

 

That solution dovetails nicely with number three, create structures to support your boundaries. And that may mean a structure of finding a conference room or working from home on days when you need focused uninterrupted work.

 

And that is because some boundaries need systems to back them up.

 

For example, this could simply mean blocking off focus time on your calendar so that your colleagues know not to interrupt you during those time periods.

 

You could similarly use status features on Teams or Slack to let people know when you're unavailable.

 

You could also set a specific time each day, perhaps at the end of the day, for addressing non-urgent tasks or those interruptions that may not actually be urgent. Plan to attend to them at a certain time every day when maybe your energy is lower and you're a little bit more out of gas.

 

And lastly, get in the habit of finding new locations to work on projects that require strict attention.

 

Step four to setting and implementing boundaries is practice saying no gracefully. And this one is my favorite. It is okay to decline tasks when you're already stretched too thin.

 

This may sound like I would love to help, but I'm truly at capacity with a variety of high priority topics. Can we talk about this next week? Or do you want to help me shift the projects that are currently on my plate to make time for this today? And you invite them into the conversation to help them solution it with you while also telling them no in a gentle and graceful way.

 

Step five is the most important piece of setting and implementing boundaries, and that is follow through. If you set a boundary and you don't stick to it, no one is ever going to take you seriously.

 

It is not uncommon for people to push your boundaries. We're not doing this because we think they're gonna like it. We're doing it to protect ourselves. So when people push your boundaries, simply remind them gently of the boundary. And that may sound like, as I mentioned, I'm currently in the middle of a deadline and I'm happy to visit with you about this tomorrow at the time that we've already set aside. Or as discussed, can I talk about this to you next week?

 

When you set clear and consistent boundaries, people will learn to expect them and honor them. But when you falter or when you bulldoze your own boundaries, people are gonna stop taking you seriously and you're gonna have a tougher road ahead of you. Truly, either set the boundary or don't set the boundary, but don't set it halfway. You're only gonna make it harder for yourself in the future.

 

The last step in setting boundaries is manage guilt. And this is truly the hardest part for most people.

 

We are service providers as lawyers, that is what we signed up to be. And there is part of us that really enjoys being of service and being a helper. But remember, saying no and setting boundaries, it doesn't make you unhelpful. It makes you more effective and sustainable in your practice and in your life. You're prioritizing quality over quantity, and that benefits everybody in the long term. So truly it is the best way to be a team

 

You are clearly communicating with your team about your limits and your ability to help. And that allows the team to anticipate upcoming challenges, which could mean staffing challenges. And by allowing them to access that information, you're showing up as a better, more honest and true team member who wants the best for everybody involved.

 

In sum, by being clear, respectful, and consistent, you not only protect your time and your energy, but you model healthy boundaries and balance for everybody else around you. I hope that you found this helpful. Please let me know how it goes or if you'd like some support in crafting more specific conversations to navigate the boundaries in your life.

 

Before I leave you today, I wanted to touch on a few generalities about boundaries so that you can detect whether or not there are aspects of your life that maybe need a few more boundaries in place. So here are some signs of healthy boundaries.

 

When a relationship has a healthy boundary, you will feel respected and heard and feel as if you can express your needs without guilt or shame.

 

the relationship will feel balanced. There's a give and take instead of a one-sided kind of effort.

 

You are allowed to prioritize self-care. You have space to recharge without feeling guilty or selfish about it.

 

Last, you know you have established healthy boundaries when you can manage your stress effectively. Unnecessary burdens or obligations don't suddenly overwhelm you because you're just treading water.

 

So you may be wondering what are some signs of unhealthy boundaries or how do you know when you need to implement some stronger boundaries to protect yourself? First and foremost, overcommitment. Saying yes to everything, even when it's too much, is a clear sign that you need to start implementing some new and stronger boundaries.

 

If you have periodic feelings of guilt or fear of rejection, that is a sign that you're avoiding boundaries because you're afraid of the conflict that comes with it.

 

That often leads to resentment, which is another sign of the need for more boundaries. You feel taken advantage of and you're not addressing it.

 

always tell my clients that frustration is a sign of an unfulfilled intention. And it's the same with resentment. It's a sign that there is something you're wanting to say, a boundary you're wanting to implement and you're not doing it. And so you're feeling resentful and you're feeling frustrated. That is a sure sign that there's an imbalance in the relationship.

 

Lastly, blurred lines. when you have a hard time distinguishing your needs from other people's needs, that means that there's a weird codependency that has sort of been established because there are no clear healthy boundaries in place.

 

So be sure to pay attention to situations where you're feeling resentful or irritated, drained or exhausted. Those are all signs of a lack of boundaries.

 

If you're feeling taken for granted or disrespected, again, likely a need for a boundary. As you work through some of these questions, you might want to start reflecting on your patterns in life. Do you have trouble saying no in general? Do certain people or environments consistently stress you out or overwhelm me or make you feel uncomfortable? All of those may be an indication that the relationship needs some more work and it may simply start with a new boundary.

 

If this resonates with you or if you need some support implementing boundaries, please don't hesitate to reach out and schedule a free coaching consultation or virtual coffee with me and we can chat through how to best implement some healthy boundaries in the relationships in your personal life as well as your professional life so that you can start protecting yourself and your energy. Last, if you have any burning questions that you would like answered on the podcast, be sure to send them my way to autumn at the Lawyer Life Collective

 

and I will do my best to answer them here for you.

 

That is all for today, my friends. As always, thanks for listening and thanks for sharing with your friends.