The Lawyer Life Podcast

Effective Negotiating Strategies for Women

• Autumn Noble • Season 1 • Episode 23

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In this episode, we explore effective negotiating strategies for women. We highlight powerful statistics on the gender wage gap and the factors contributing to it, such as lower negotiation rates among women and fear of negative consequences. This episode explains the importance of self-reflection leading up to the negotiations as well as the impact of past experiences and beliefs on negotiating styles. The episode includes a step-by-step guide on how to prepare for and execute a negotiation as well as how to conduct a post-mortem analysis.

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Autumn G Noble (00:04.804)

You are listening to the Lawyer Life Podcast, episode number 23, Effective Negotiating Strategies for Women.

Welcome back to the Lawyer Life podcast. I am Autumn Noble, the host of the podcast, as well as the founder of the Lawyer Life collective, life and career coaching for attorneys. Over the course of my career, I have worked at firms of all shapes and sizes, from boutique firms to solo practitioners, mid-size firms, national firms, and gone in-house with the Fortune 300 company, as well as founding my own firm. I've done the teaching circuit, the speaking circuit, and built my own client base. If you are an attorney that is seeking more independence, flexibility and fulfillment in your practice, you are in the right spot. In the Lawyer Life Collective, we focus exclusively on supporting lawyers to create the careers of their dreams, whether that is in law or out of law. We offer one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, private training, newsletters, webinars, and of course this podcast. Be sure to check out the Show notes to take advantage of all of the free resources we make available to support you on your lawyering journey. This week we are focusing on negotiations. Over the past several episodes, we've been talking about dealing with difficult humans, managing relationships, having difficult conversations, and now we are culminating that series with a discussion of how to effectively negotiate and why it's so crucial for women.

 

But before we dive in, a few important announcements about upcoming events. First, if you are someone who is long on dreams and short on time, be sure to mark your calendar and attend our next free webinar on May 8th at 4 p.m. Central, where we will unpack how to find more time, how to get more done, and actually start creating the life of your dreams. It's a 45-minute webinar, and we will discuss the most essential time management tools.

 

Autumn G Noble (02:09.538)

that I coach all of my clients and that I use every day. You are not going to want to miss this. Second, if you suffer from periodic work malaise, we have a solution for that. The Lady Lawyer Collective and its seminar series is launching a master series entitled How to Find Fulfillment in Law. This transformative seven week program is designed to help you discover deeper happiness and peace within your career.

 

We will meet six times over the course of seven weeks at 6 p.m. Central. The series starts May 14th and we will unpack how to find more peace and emotional balance, how to be more confident and how to create a more fulfilling career. Hang out to the end of the episode or check out the show notes to find out more details on how to sign up and start investing in yourself. I promise you, you will not regret it. OK, that's enough of the business. Let's go ahead and dive into this week's topic.

 

how to effectively ask for and negotiate what you want. But first, let's set the stage a little bit and take a peek at some pretty harsh realities. When you dig into statistics regarding women and how and whether they negotiate for their salaries, it becomes pretty clear that there's a pervasive gender wage gap and a variety of unique factors contributing to it for women. Here are a few of the key takeaways. Women generally have lower negotiation rates.

 

Studies have found that women are less likely than men to negotiate their salaries. In fact, one study found that only about 7% of women negotiate their salaries as compared to 57% of men. The impact on lifetime earnings for women is significant. Failing to negotiate one's salary early in your career can have a significant long-term ripple effect.

 

A study by the Institute for Women's Policy Research found that women's lower negotiation rates could account for a significant portion of the gender wage gap over time. In part, this is driven by our fear of the negative consequences associated with negotiating. Research suggests that one reason women may avoid negotiating is fear of backlash or negative consequences.

 

Autumn G Noble (04:24.982)

Women may worry about being perceived as too aggressive or unlikable, which could harm their relationships with colleagues and supervisors thereafter. Add to that cultural and social factors. Societal expectations and gender norms can also influence women's willingness to negotiate. Women may have been socialized to prioritize harmony and avoid conflict, making negotiations uncomfortable and unfamiliar territory.

 

Furthermore, some studies suggest that this is partly driven by a confidence gap and that women may be less confident in their negotiation skills or less confident overall in their value to the organization. This obviously will contribute to lower negotiation rates amongst women. Perceived fairness may also be at play. Women may perceive their initial salary offers as fair and therefore they are less inclined to negotiate them.

 

when they believe that they're being treated fairly out of the gate by their employers. However, research indicates that women's initial salary offers tend to be lower than those of men, exacerbating the wage gap over time. Last, the employer response. While some employers can penalize employees, particularly women, for negotiating, many companies have policies in place to encourage salary negotiation and transparency.

 

Autumn G Noble (05:50.134)

widely and it's clear given my review of these statistics there are a lot of underlying factors that must be overcome first in order to close that gender wage gap. These statistics really underscore the need for women to talk about this important issue and take meaningful action to address this gap and while those statistics focus on women's negotiation tactics surrounding salary

 

Today we're gonna unpack general negotiation strategies that can be applied in any situation. We are going to walk through negotiations from infancy to postmortem to help you prepare for and bring your best game face to the negotiating table. First, when we think about negotiations as women, we have to really start with an exploration of ourselves and why we want to have the negotiation, but also why the negotiation is so hard.

 

First, we have to get very clear on why we want to push back. What is it that you're wanting to get out of the discussion and what is your position on the matter at hand? This can be further explored by considering what will it cost you to not have the conversation and conversely, what will you gain if your request is granted? Based upon that type of self-exploration, we can kind of distill everything down to a why statement.

 

I'm doing this because I believe that I'm worth more. I'm doing this because I believe the statistics that my initial offer is probably a little bit low. I'm doing this because I believe that there's room for movement on both sides, and I wanna see what that looks like. But we wanna get really clear on what that why is, because that is going to provide our anchor as we move forward, and particularly when things start to get a little uncomfortable. In addition to the why, the specific to the discussion and the request,

 

We wanna understand our why on a more personal level. And that is going to require us to understand why it's so important for us as women to develop these skills. In order for us to become more confident in pushing back and negotiating for the things that we want, we have to start practicing the skill. And the more we practice it, the more we're gonna be confident with that skill and build self-confidence and trust our ability to know.

 

Autumn G Noble (08:11.754)

when it's appropriate to push back. And remember, economically, our failure to push back could cost us $1 million over the course of our lifetime. Is it worth it to you to practice that skill, build that confidence, knowing what could actually be on the line? In addition to developing confidence through the negotiating process, these discussions provide us an opportunity to take back our power.

 

One of the things that I often see, especially with young professional women, is that we have a tendency to be maybe too deferential and we wait for other people to create the career that we want and expect that they're going to have our best interests in mind and ensure that our path aligns with whatever goals that we have. Stepping up and having these difficult negotiations allows us to take that power back.

 

Instead of waiting for other people to create the career or the income or the job that you actually want, you instead step up and try and make it happen for yourself. As you explore these whys and justifications leading up to the potential discussion, you might want to also ask yourself, what would I be modeling for everyone around me that's watching me when I have the conversation or if I don't have the conversation?

 

will hinge on how we show up for ourselves and how we use our voices to advocate for ourselves. And remember, no matter what you are doing or where you are at on your career journey, there are young women watching you and looking up to you. And so when you think about these conversations and how much we don't wanna do it, people are watching you and watching how you handle your career path to see how you set the tone for their journey.

 

So remember, as you think about these situations, ask yourself, what will I be modeling for everyone around me who may be watching? The other piece of self-reflection as you prepare for negotiations is to really dig back into your past and develop an understanding of your negotiation history and your negotiation style. This may include an exploration of what your family taught you about negotiating.

 

Autumn G Noble (10:29.082)

and whether advocating for yourself was prohibited or off limits or unbecoming of a woman. Ask yourself what you learned or were taught as a child about pushing back. That is likely forming your foundation of belief around negotiating and that could very well be some baggage that you're going to bring into these discussions that are going to set you back and prevent you from showing up the way that you want to.

 

And so we have to understand our beliefs about this process of pushback and ask ourselves whether those beliefs and the things that we might have been taught or seen as kids are helping us or hindering us. That exploration is also going to include the negotiating styles of the people around you that you witnessed growing up. Did they tend to be aggressive, aggressive?

 

Were they cooperative, passive, deferential, indirect, constructive? How did people handle conflict around you? And ask yourself, how has that impacted the way that you handle conflict as an adult? And start to unpack whether or not there are things there that you need to work through in order to allow yourself to show up at your best. You will know that there are issues there when you start asking yourself,

 

When am I most comfortable in negotiations or pushback scenarios? Do I tolerate conflict well or does it make me uncomfortable to speak up and ask for what I want? How is it that I think about women negotiating? Do I judge them? Those are all signs that there's something going on from your past and within your belief structure that needs to be sorted out before we move forward. So step number one is to really do that

 

inner work. Get clear on why it's important for you to have this particular conversation. Explore why it's important for you as a woman and as a human being to have this and what that will get you and that might be self-confidence or growth or developing the skill or whatever. And then ask yourself, what baggage am I bringing to the table potentially that could be hindering my ability to show up?

 

Autumn G Noble (12:49.97)

and that's gonna really get into those beliefs about pushback and particularly pushback as a woman. Once you have opened up the gates to that exploration and that understanding, the next thing we need to do is start getting prepared for the actual discussion. So that's step number two, the preparations. As with any new activity or exploration,

 

The first step is asking whether or not there are people around you or resources available to you that could help you prepare for the discussion. It could be a coaching session, it could be a book, a webinar, a trusted advisor, a mentor or a coworker. There might be someone in your orbit who has done something similar to what you are contemplating. And that could provide a whole host of resources to support you in getting as prepared as possible for the discussion.

 

As you start the preparation process for negotiation, it's really important for you to have an idea of who you want to be in that moment and how you wanna show up and to start visualizing and accessing that person now. I like to think about this in the context of kind of manifestation mindset. It's kind of all the vibe right now and everyone's talking about it.

 

A lot of people think about manifestation as I'm just going to put my energy out into the world that I'm this, you know, badass lawyer and I make this much money and I have this much confidence and kind of the end result of who that person is and how she shows up. And while that is helpful in your manifestation practice and visualization practice, it's not.

 

particularly helpful for situations like this. The reality of it is when we think about manifesting, we really want to be focusing on all of the steps that precede that ultimate vision. And I can promise you that if your ultimate vision that you're trying to manifest is this strong, confident, powerhouse woman, somewhere along that path, she got really good at negotiating and pushing back.

 

Autumn G Noble (15:02.706)

and having those really impossible discussions. And so that is where we wanna focus our energy when we're manifesting or when we're preparing for something difficult. We wanna actually envision every step it took to get there. And these types of discussions and these types of pushback are part of that process. And so as you think about the negotiation, really allow yourself to envision you in that moment, having those discussions.

 

asking the questions and pushing back in the way that you want to and start accessing her instead of focusing at the end game and who she is after all of that. With that woman in mind and an idea of how you want to show up, we can kind of back into, okay, what is all the data and information that I would need to be her in that moment? And then we can start doing some real homework. First, obviously we want to gather data.

 

Any type of analytical data, people data, benchmarks, empirical data that you can get your hands on and be really strategic about it because the more prepared you are, the better you'll be able to show up calmly and confidently and avoid any curve balls. In gathering that data, you wanna also get clear on the opposing positions. What are their goals? What are their obstacles, struggles and challenges?

 

Is there a way for what you're asking to benefit both of you? And can you find data and proposals that can allow you to present a win-win scenario for both parties? In addition to the data on the actual subject matter at hand, you'll also want to gather data on the particular person or persons that you're going to be talking about. What is your history with them? What is the baggage like with them?

 

Have you had negotiations or pushback discussions with them in the past and how did they go? Have you developed thoughts and judgments about them that you might be bringing with you into the discussion and how would that impact your ability to show up in the way that you want to? This is an important piece of the homework because it will help you understand your potential triggers with that person and identify them in the moment.

 

Autumn G Noble (17:23.178)

If you're having a difficult conversation with someone and part of you thinks back to ways that you've judged them and things that you don't like about them and difficult run-ins you've had with them in the past, before the negotiation, you can explore those and understand how those lines of thinking impact your ability to show up. And if the result of that line of thinking is not helpful or if it makes you angry and it makes you wanna lash out at them, now you know that's a landmine that you want to avoid in the moment.

 

And so you can go into the conversation knowing, I'm not gonna let my mind drift back here. I'm not gonna let my mind gravitate towards those judgments. Wait till the negotiation is over and then judge them all you want. But going into the conversation, you have to know these are judgments that exist. And these are things that I'm bringing with me and they can't participate in this discussion. It's easy for a negotiation to go sideways when we don't know what our triggers are.

 

or what our existing judgments are about the other person. And so that's part of the work that you wanna do as well in preparing for the conversation. At this stage of the information gathering homework, you wanna get really clear on your worst case scenarios. What's the worst that could happen to the relationship if the conversation gets contentious? What's the worst that could happen if this person flat out overrules you or denies all of your requests?

 

What would you do and how would you handle that situation? In preparing for the negotiation, we can actually isolate one of those worst case scenarios and work through it and decide ahead of time how we would respond and what ways the scenario might even be okay. That way we can know that when that worst case scenario fear or worry happens or comes up.

 

during the negotiation, it doesn't have to cause us to panic because we've already worked through it ahead of time and I've gotten some clarity around how we could be okay and how it might not be as horrible as we're making it out to be. It will provide you the tools that will help you calm down and soothe any panic that could come up in the negotiation when things don't feel like they're going the way that you want them to. After you've gathered all of that data,

 

Autumn G Noble (19:41.022)

you wanna synthesize it down into kind of a concept of what you're going to be asking for. And how can that data and everything you've thought through and everything you analyzed, how can we craft a request that's easy to say yes to? And that may mean that we also have to prepare a work plan or contract terms or job descriptions or a process to execute on whatever it is that we're asking.

 

and we provide that to them almost on a silver platter so that they don't have to do any thinking, they don't have to figure anything out. We have made the request and we figured out how to make it happen. That can make coming to yes very easy for them. You wanna make it a no-brainer and as simple as possible. So as you do your legwork and you gather data, that is the ultimate goal. Do I have enough information to figure out how I can make this a very simple, easy yes for them?

 

Not only will that make it easy for the other person to acquiesce to whatever you're asking, but it's gonna provide a lot of clarity to everybody involved and set expectations around what is going to come from that discussion. The last two pieces that you wanna prepare during the homework stage is your plan B or C or D if it gets to that point. In other words, after getting a good sense of the landscape and all the interests and data involved,

 

Are there possible concessions that you would be comfortable making? And come up with a list of those, a plan B, C, or D, so that you're prepared to offer those if need be in the conversation. The last thing you wanna prepare at this stage is the logistics. Who is the right person to talk to? Am I confident this is the right person? Or do other people need to be involved? When should this take place? How should it take place in person, over the phone, via email?

 

That last piece of it is often where I see the biggest struggles in coaching. When we're preparing for these types of uncomfortable asks or pushback scenarios, a lot of people gravitate towards wanting to do it over the phone or really wanting to do it over email. And I would just really encourage you to ask, why is that? And if the reason you're wanting to go that route is because it'll be easier and less uncomfortable, that is a huge sign that you need to have the conversation in person.

 

Autumn G Noble (22:08.95)

The only way you're gonna get better at this and the only way you're gonna develop that confidence that we're all wanting in order to do this regularly with ease is to do it in person and force yourself into that discomfort and really learn how do I show up in the presence of another person when we're having a difficult negotiation? And then from there, figuring out how to tweak and adjust so that it gets better the next time and the next time.

 

but just be really wise to yourself. If you're really wanting to do it over email or the phone, ask yourself if the rationale is because it will be less uncomfortable and if that is really in alignment with all of those why statements and all the why analysis that we did at the beginning. Okay, at this point, you have done your internal work, you're clear on your whys, and you've done all of your homework and gathered all the data that you can possibly gather to do this.

 

So now let's talk about how we actually execute on this conversation. First, we're gonna tee up the request with your opening. And this is gonna be where you utilize a bit of a hook to open the conversation and engage interest by setting the stage to what you're asking for. And that might be simply opening with your intention. I would like to talk to you about my status as a senior associate, my path to partnership, my salary, my current...

 

pay structure. Setting that out right out of the gate, but then introduce a little bit of gratitude. I always recommend that once you set the stage or once you're about to close, you want to have gratitude at the front end and also at the back end. So we set the stage and then we transition to the actual request by expressing some gratitude. And that may simply be thanking them for taking the time to meet with you. They don't have to meet with you.

 

they're busy people, you're busy people, and just recognizing that out of the gate, that they're taking time out of their day to have this discussion with you and hear you out, and stating that plainly and simply before you transition into the actual request. Now we are ready to make the request. We are gonna state it simply and assertively, and we are going to start with our most aggressive request. This is usually the most uncomfortable part of the whole discussion.

 

Autumn G Noble (24:28.79)

but it's honestly the shortest part. We had our opening, we had our gratitude, we had our one line request, and now we're just gonna keep on trucking ahead and we're gonna start laying out the justifications and the facts surrounding our request. This part of the negotiation is really important because we do not wanna be having a discussion where two people are operating from very different sets of facts.

 

So at this part of the conversation, your job is to make sure they are clear on all the facts and all the information that you are using as the foundation of your request. So we lay out the thesis for our request, and then we start supplying the supporting evidence related to our position.

 

Now it might be tempting to kind of lay a bag of evidence at their feet and just get it all out there because we're uncomfortable at this point, we just made the request and that felt terrible and we just wanna keep moving through it. But really try to pace your evidence and sprinkle it out as the conversation goes on. You can think about your evidence as sort of weapons that you have on you and you'll pull them out as needed in the conversation, starting with your best and strongest, but keeping some with you.

 

as responsive answers as the conversation evolves. Once you've made your request and set your evidentiary foundation, we can start anticipating their objections. You can use this space now that you've kind of made your case to start preempting objections that they may have to your request. This is really your opportunity to demonstrate

 

your homework and your careful consideration of the matter at hand and show them that you have considered their side in their position on the matter as well. And we start to call that out. An example of what that might sound like if you're pushing back on your firm's compensation structure, which I hear a lot and we deal with a lot, you might say something like, I understand

 

Autumn G Noble (26:40.13)

that the firm originally gravitated towards this compensation structure because of X, Y, or Z. But would it surprise you to know that X, Y, or Z no longer factor in to whatever? And so we anticipate the objection, we call it out, we show that we studied and understand the status quo, but then we challenge that position with more data that we have gathered during the homework phase.

 

This may be a good point in the conversation to pause and allow the other person to respond. At this point, we should still have some evidence and facts in our back pocket to bolster our further discussion, but it's also an opportunity for us to start bringing in some of those concessions or plan B, C, and D that we've prepared ahead of time. Depending upon what they say, it's an opportunity to ask yourself, does this beg for

 

more evidence and more facts that might be helpful in getting them to understand my point of view or is this an opportunity for me to create buy-in from both parties by offering a concession? Having those concessions ready beforehand can allow the other person to save face. It lets them feel like they got to win, you feel like you got to win, and then you can sort of pivot the conversation into a we statement type of realm.

 

and it seems like you've really both come together to solve the problem. And so that's why having those concessions at the ready is so important, but that's also gonna demand that you start your initial request at your most aggressive point. So then those concessions seem like a win for everybody. At this point of the back and forth, I think one of the most important tools we can have, especially when we're uncomfortable in these types of scenarios, is to have a lot of really good questions.

 

ready to go. We want to transition this from a contentious discussion to more of a conversation. And so we might ask the other person to engage in things from our point of view. That may mean asking them, what would you do if you were in my position? What would you recommend that I do to resolve this? But then also having more probing questions at the ready. Can you explain this? Can you help me understand this?

 

Autumn G Noble (29:02.158)

Can you walk me through how these types of decisions are made and allowing them to provide you with their own facts and evidence that support their position? A few prompts that I have found particularly helpful in these types of conversations is simply asking, is that the best that you can do? What is your biggest hurdle to moving forward with my request? Would you be willing to trying out my request for a trial time period and then revisiting after that?

 

And lastly, what is the best way for us to move forward on this? Again, it's about bringing the parties together at this point. You've made your request, you've laid out your facts, and we kind of put that distance between us. And now with these questions and shifting to a more conversational tone, we kind of bring the parties back together and remind everybody that we are on the same team, and we do that by engaging them in the discussion and asking these really good questions. A few tips.

 

that are gonna be helpful as the negotiation switches into a more conversational tone. Don't forget your power and don't forget to establish your credibility in what you bring to the table, because they may not remember. It's sometimes helpful to remind them of your background and your skillsets that could be helpful in guiding them to a decision. You may have examples from past experiences with you at the ready to remind them of

 

who you are and where you stand on the issue and why your position is what it is. Again, it's about having everybody operating from the same set of facts. And I promise you, it's not uncommon for leadership or your bosses to forget part of your resume, but it's on you to make sure that they know the important pieces, especially if they bear importance to the matter at hand. Tip number two, be a problem solver.

 

validate their concerns, validate their pushback, again, demonstrate that you have done your legwork. You have worked to understand both sides. You can bring that into the conversation and let them know that you're in this together to solve this problem together and you understand their issues as well. One of the most important things people say about these types of conversations is to be hard on the problem, but respectful of the person.

 

Autumn G Noble (31:21.974)

And so we wanna make sure that we're really focusing on what's the issue and not making it a personal challenge, which again is why part of our pre-work is understanding what are your personal issues with this individual and making sure we do not bring them in so that we can be respectful of the person and tough on the problem. Tip number three, stay focused on your why. Again, that is part of the rationale for having that be one of the first things that you do.

 

why is this particular issue really important to you, but also why is having this negotiation really important to you? And bringing it back to that every single time so you can stay focused on the bigger issue at hand and not get caught up in the little tit for tats. At some point, the conversation needs to come to a close. As a person who initiated the negotiation, I think it's really beneficial for us to be prepared to close it.

 

In that space, we briefly reiterate our request and express gratitude. Gratitude for hearing you out, gratitude for engaging in the discussion, gratitude for everything they've taught you over the years and opportunities they've given you, but find something that resonates with you and express that after you reiterate that final request and also confirm your future commitment to the employer, but also your commitment to resolving the problem.

 

in a way that works for everybody. From that place, you can simply clarify and summarize where the conversation has landed. And sometimes they're not gonna really land anywhere. And so it might simply be stating, I'm gonna continue to think about this, I hope that you will do the same. Let's regroup on this in a week or two, I'll put some time on your calendar. But we wanna be really clear of where things have ended and what the next steps are and what your intentions are.

 

And again, as I said earlier, one of our goals is to make this as easy as possible for the other person. And so we wanna be really clear what their action steps are. And if there's a plan to meet again in the future, you take that on you and you make it happen instead of asking them to do it. I think it's really important to close these conversations with simply an emphasis on the importance of the issue to you and continuing your efforts to resolve it.

 

Autumn G Noble (33:43.414)

That is why this ending summary of where we've been and what the next steps are is so important because it's gonna really emphasize to them, this is not something I'm just gonna let go of. It's important to me and here's where we move forward and here's how I intend to keep this on your radar because it is important to me. The last piece of the puzzle, after we've done our inner work, we did our homework, we had the negotiation, this last piece.

 

is just as important as all the other steps. And that is really regrouping afterwards to conduct your own post-mortem on how it went. Where is there room for improvement? What was really hard for you? And how can you continue to stay in the game with respect to this particular issue? I think it's often helpful to think about a flat out no or a rejection of your request as a not yet. And just...

 

giving yourself some compassion that you've started the discussion, that the door has been opened. And it doesn't mean just that they said no that one time, it's gonna be no the next time. We really have to commit to ourselves in this post-mortem place that we're not gonna give up on ourselves, that we decided at the beginning why it was important to us, and we're gonna stick to that and see it through, even if the initial answer was no. That means committing to staying in the game

 

don't do this sort of quiet quitting thing. Just because they initially said no, it doesn't mean it's foreclosed forever. And so we wanna continue to show up in a way that lets them see how committed you are to the organization and how willing you are to collaborate on this particular issue. It doesn't mean that you stay forever, but what it does mean is that you're gonna show up and have a good attitude despite whatever happened in the negotiation because that's who you wanna be.

 

And if ultimately their answer really is no, you have a choice to make, but at least you've sown some really goodwill along the way and learned how to show up despite the frustration about how the conversation did or didn't go. During your post-mortem analysis, I also recommend considering whether it would make sense to have a follow-up with the individual. And I don't mean a follow-up about the particular subject matter. I mean a follow-up on kind of the global issues.

 

Autumn G Noble (36:05.098)

You might consider asking them for feedback on how you handled the discussion. You might ask them for more information. If there were things that they said during the discussion that took you off guard or that you didn't know or didn't anticipate, I think it makes perfect sense to follow up with them and ask for more detail or example, particularly if during the negotiation, it got a little contentious and maybe they were belittling or maybe they were criticizing you and it felt really unfounded.

 

I think it's perfectly fair to go back to them and say, during the discussion you said that I continually dropped the ball on significant projects, can you give me some examples? I wasn't aware of that and no one's given me that kind of feedback and I wanna do better. It's about holding them accountable for what they said during the discussion, but also wanting to make sure that you're operating from the same set of facts that they are and seeing if there are any facts supporting some of the things that they said during the conversation.

 

That follow-up conversation also allows them to see you as someone who is seeking constructive feedback, who is a constructive thinker, and isn't just someone who's here to be a muckraker or a complainer. When you go back to them following the negotiation, however it went, it really demonstrates your capacity and commitment to growth when you come at it from that perspective and not like, I'm here to fight again about this issue. No, I'm here to

 

get your thoughts on how it went and to ask some follow-up clarifying questions. It allows you an opportunity to set the tone for what they think about you in light of the conversation that you had with them. This also allows you to remain positive and take as much good out of it as possible. Maybe you learned something new about their perspective, maybe you learned something new about the organization, maybe you learned a new talent that you have or a new challenge that you have in negotiating. Remain.

 

positive and look for ways to take some good from the exchange. That follow-up will also provide you an opportunity to better understand the no and why they landed where they landed. With that information, it's just going to give us more fuel to figure out how to try and get them to yes. So I really recommend finding an opportunity to regroup with them and get some type of constructive feedback or more details if

 

Autumn G Noble (38:30.262)

So to recap where we've been, when we're thinking about a negotiation, we have to first start with our own inner work. We have to understand why this particular subject matter is important to us, but also why this is important to us as a human being and as women in general, that larger why. I wanna be more confident. I wanna be an example of what's possible to other women who are watching me. Next, we wanna do our homework. Gather all the data you can possibly gather on the particular issue at hand.

 

but also on yourself and on the other person. What are your judgments about them? What's your history of the relationship? What's your history and belief about negotiating in general? Are there judgments there? Do we need to clean any of that up so that we can come to the negotiation from a clean space energetically and focus on the matter at hand without bringing our own self judgments and weird beliefs or judgments about the other person with us?

 

to the negotiating table. Next, we make sure we have a clear understanding and outline of where the negotiation is going to go. Have that outline with you and ready, and make sure that you have some really constructive and conversational questions at the ready to give you space to think, to give you time to gather more data from them and a better understanding of their position. Last, conduct that post-mortem.

 

remain positive, continue to show up, and ask yourself whether it makes sense to follow up with the other person, to gather more facts on things that they said, to get a better understanding of how the conversation went, but to present yourself in front of them once more as a constructive thinker who really wants to tackle the problem while maintaining a good relationship with them and improving yourself in any way that you can.

 

remembering at the end of all of it that no doesn't necessarily always mean no. It could simply be the first of many conversations that ultimately lead to yes. And if it is no and it's a finite no, you can always take that information and decide what to do with it. And that might mean it's time to move on to something else depending upon how big the issue is for you. But that's a choice that you can make once you've gathered all of this data from these types of negotiations and conversations.

 

Autumn G Noble (40:53.538)

All right, my friends, that is everything on this topic. And truly, we've only skimmed the surface and I have so much more that I wanted to unpack on this. For those of you that are my current coaching clients, you know that I have tons of negotiating resources in your coaching portal. Be sure to access those. If you're not currently working with me one-on-one and negotiating and confidence is a skill that you want to develop, this is a huge.

 

sign for you to sign up, get some support and access all of those free resources on negotiating. How do you set up the conversation? What is the outline? What are the important questions to ask? What type of data do I need to gather? It's all there and available for all of my one-on-one coaching clients. Next week, we are going to pivot a little bit and start talking about processing negative emotions and experiences. And this might mean

 

processing a big fat belly flop of a negotiation. I hope that you'll join me there and learn how to dig out from those dark spaces. As I mentioned at the beginning, we have a fantastic webinar coming up on May 8th at 4 p.m. where we are going to unpack the most essential time management tools that I have. If I could give you one tool that can truly change your life,

 

it is these time management tools. And this is not just another seminar where I say, stop answering your phone and don't check your email after five, we're lawyers. And that doesn't always work. And I'm gonna give you real, practical, actionable tools on how to better manage your time so that you can get more done and really start taking action on creating the life that you actually want instead of just treading water, trying to navigate everything that's coming your way day in and day out. I hope that you will join me there. Check out the show notes for the signup link.

 

Again, that's May 8th at 4 p.m. In addition to the webinar, we are launching a master series on finding fulfillment in the legal profession and it kicks off on May 14th at 6 p.m. Central. This is a hugely transformative seven week program that is designed to help you discover deeper happiness and peace in your career. We will meet six times over the course of seven weeks for one hour.

 

Autumn G Noble (43:09.694)

and we will be tackling the most essential core challenges that I think we face as women and lawyers. How do I find more happiness and fulfillment in my legal career? How do I reconnect with my passion? How do I find out what I really wanna do with my life? And how do I connect with it on a more regular basis? This series is absolutely free to all of my active coaching clients and included in an incredible introductory coaching offer for all of my new clients.

 

If you are not currently coaching with me and you just wanna know what this coaching thing is all about, you must sign up for the introductory package. It is the best offer I have available. Not only will you get three one-on-one coaching sessions with me, but you'll get access to all of my seminar series, including finding fulfillment and how to lawyer for real. You'll get access to all of my online content, including all of my negotiations, worksheets, and tools, and online guides.

 

This is a huge opportunity for you to really figure out what this coaching thing is all about and get access to these incredible tools right out of the gate. Really maximize your investment in yourself this summer and see how different the rest of 2024 can be. I promise you, you are not going to regret it. And remember, the beauty of these seminar series is that you get to experience a group program completely anonymously. There's no obligation for screen time or participation.

 

But what you will see is other women chiming in and asking the same questions that you have asked yourself over and over and over again. It is a huge relief to know that we are not alone in the challenges that we have. And that is the beauty of these seminar series because you get to connect anonymously with women lawyers all over the country and realize that we are all fighting the same battle and dealing with the same struggles. And from there, we can grow together.

 

I really hope that you will join me there. Again, it kicks off May 14th at 6 p.m. Central and all of the details are included in the show notes. This is your opportunity to dig in and change everything so that your year end could be significantly better than some of the nightmare year ends that you may have had in the past. Believe me, I've been there. Let's embark on this journey together towards a more fulfilling career in law. I hope to see you there.