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You are listening to the Lawyer Life Podcast episode number nine: Running out of time for all of the things?!
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Hey everyone, welcome to the Lawyer Life Podcast. I'm your host Autumn Noble. I am a practicing attorney and founder of the Lawyer Life Collective, where we do all things lawyering, but most importantly life and career coaching for lawyers. Throughout my career, I have worked in firms of all shapes and sizes, from boutique firms to regional and national firms and I've also built and chaired my very own practice group from the ground up. I've had the privilege of teaching in business schools and law schools and eventually transitioned my practice in house with a Fortune 300 company, before finally leaving to build my own firm. Now I teach all of my clients how to do the same thing. If you want to build your practice and your client base, establish some independence and find more time, get more done, and generally just have more happiness and balance in your life, you are in the right spot, and I am so happy to welcome you here!
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In today's episode, we are continuing a topic that was brought up in our prior episode and that is this idea of running out of time and feeling this pressure that we need to do all of the things before Father Time catches up with us. As a childless woman in her 40s, who was only recently married, timelines are often a topic of conversation. People love talking timelines at me. First, there were the marriage timelines. But now it's the baby timelines and the ever constant, when we you start acting like a grown up timelines. We make timelines for marriage, for kids, the white picket fence, partnership and our careers… we are acutely aware of the impact that time has on our bodies, our skin and our metabolism. (Because if you know, you know!) Our career trajectory has its own timeline and for many of us, our days are constantly at the mercy of the clock in those lovely little six minute increments. With all of this focus on time, we have to take time to pause and reflect on all of this rigidity around the clock and timelines. Are the timelines that we adopt in our minds real? Or are we sacrificing our peace to some arbitrary metrics?
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Many of my clients speak have a mystical timeline for attorney success. There seems to be some notion of when we are most marketable, and when we lose that marketability, and so we've got to act in that window. This timeline puts pressure on the decision whether to get serious about partnership or begin examining other alternatives before we run out of time and that marketability window closes.
Others that I encounter express concerns that they're running out of time to finally create the life that they want, so they need to hurry up and ratchet up their success before they run out of time in the hourglass.
Practicing law, like all other professions, will certainly come with its own unique decisions that have to be made. Unless you are utilizing the ostrich approach to your career, you are undoubtedly going to have to make some decisions about your own timeline. You will be exposed to other opportunities, and you will likely be courted by headhunters as your skill set is sharpened, you will have to make some choices. But when we acknowledge that we have choices to make, and then pile on these arbitrary deadlines, and thoughts about running out of time to get it all done, the decision-making process becomes really compressed, and our emotions become really heightened.
From there, we can often get caught up in frantic action from all of that pressure that we put on ourselves. So we just start taking action for action’s sake, in hopes of beating the clock.
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When we look at these never-ending timelines, we often find that a lot of them conflict with one another. But having all of these timelines and all these deadlines and all of these pressures, actually makes it nearly impossible to truly enjoy this journey through time. Recently, I have been inundated with clients who are overwhelmed with this idea that they're running out of time for one thing or another. And while I fully understand the importance of setting goals and having something to work for, what does it mean when we say that we are running out of time? And does that fear drive us to soar even higher? Or are the results of that notion of running out of time, a little bit more nefarious than we might think?
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As a coach, I am a firm believer in setting goals and having something to work toward. But unfortunately, the side effect of having too many trophies on the horizon that we're striving for, is that when we leave that unchecked, it can diminish our current experience. When we are constantly casting our gaze off into the horizon towards those goals, we overlook everything else around us. Suddenly, everything that we are currently experiencing, and the life that is currently happening to us and around us, pales in comparison to that ultimate goal and whatever it is we're trying to achieve before we run out of time.
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We're driven by some notion that once we accomplish everything on our list, that life will finally make sense. That it will be better and our existence will matter in a new and different kind of a way. As we talked about in episode four, the goal is never the answer, the evolution that we experience as we're challenged on our way to the goal, that is the point, this notion of running out of time flies in the face of all of that. It values the goal over our current life, and implies that our current state is merely like a dress rehearsal for something bigger and better that we're trying to get to and we're in a hurry to get there.
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Think of it this way: If that goal itself comprises something in the distance, a mere fraction of our lifetime, that means that the remaining 99% of our lives are spent in that kind of dress rehearsal with the singular focus of the goal. The majority of our lives are spent disconnected from our current, lesser experience, and existence, and focusing on something that we believe is bigger and brighter in the future and we've got to hurry up and get there so that we can finally start to enjoy life.
I know it sounds like I'm being overly simplistic about it but we all do this and very kind of subtle ways. Even for me, when I let myself think like I'm running out of time, I feel this tightness in my chest, and anxiety within my body and sort of like frustration and judgment for where I'm at, like, I really want to get to that thing, because right here is just not where it's at. It's as if something bad is going to happen if I don't get to work and start executing on that lofty goal. I almost feel like I'm wasting my life and that I should be doing more when I give energy to that thought that absent some future accomplishment, my current existence is unworthy, and my life is a waste.
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When I give power to that, and I let it kind of take over and steer the boat, I act really frantically and quickly trying just to cram it all in. Repeated frantic action like that just drives me straight into a total meltdown burnout, where eventually I just have to hide away from the world for a couple days to recuperate and peel myself off of the ceiling. In that scenario, what I ultimately create for myself is that I end up losing a ton of time, because I run myself into a nervous breakdown by all of that frantic energy and all that pressure that I put on myself to hurry up and do the thing. So I really do lose all of the time that I was worrying about. And I set myself back, creating the exact result that I was trying to avoid. Nevermind the fact that action made frantically and quickly trying to beat the time clock, it often results in insincere decisions that aren't fully baked. And that also creates setbacks and also results in losing more time, again, the exact result that we didn't want. So we have to recognize that when we give energy to this idea that we're running out of time, even if we're doing it subtly, we typically end up creating the exact opposite result that we want: we burn ourselves out and we lose time there or we make insincere decisions And we have to redo things and go back later And we have just more setbacks. And so part of our work is just recognizing that the action that spurs from those feelings relating to that belief that I'm running at a time, they're never going to get you closer to any goal whatsoever. And so at least you're seeing at the outset that we kind of create the opposite of what we're wanting, even by giving energy to that thought it just doesn't help us.
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We talk a lot in coaching about being worthy, and how that worthiness fits into context with our goals. As I have said before, ultimately, the goal is never the point of the exercise, but rather who we become in pursuit of the goal. That is the point.
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The ultimate goal, the accomplishment or achievement is never going to suddenly swoop in and make us experience all the worthiness that we've been chasing and thinking that that goal is going to give us it just doesn't work that way. Okay. And we've talked about that.
Rather, as many of us experience, once we achieve the goal those feelings of unworthiness and needing something more, they just continue. That is the pattern that we practice, when we let the ultimate goal have more value when it should, when we value the goal more than our present state that we're trying to hurry up and “fix.”
In that space, we are in essence, doing exactly what we're trying to avoid, we run out of time to enjoy the journey of life, we're running out of time to look around and witness our own evolution, we sacrifice 90% of our life in exchange for those little blips of accomplishment along the way. So part of our work is being really mindful of ourselves when we tell ourselves that we're running out of time and we allow that thinking to drive our actions.
Anytime that we feel rushed to make a decision or execute a plan, it's often because we're running away from some type of negative emotion and feeling like doubt, in our own worthiness or judgment, for where we are currently. That idea of I'm running out of time, is really kind of a prettier way of saying, I'm not happy where my life is right now. It's just judgment and a prettier outfit and it never creates the result that we want. Because the work that we really need to do to get that result, that feeling of worthiness, that's the inner work that's completely unrelated to the goal itself. Whatever we're striving for and worrying that we're running out of time to accomplish, that thing never brings us the happiness, the peace, the feelings of worthiness that we think it will. Instead, we must cultivate feelings of gratitude, worthiness, and appreciation for ourselves now, so that when we achieve that one thing, we're already skilled at appreciating it, and understanding our worthiness. That it doesn't change the way we feel about ourselves because we've already done that work. From that space, the accomplishment loses its power and we're able to live in our value every step of the way to the goal, and be thankful for all the gifts that we have in every moment.
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And in that scenario we appreciate and are grateful for the entirety of our life, not just those little small blips of accomplishment, we no longer feel pressure to hurry up and just get it done. Instead, when we act, we act not because we feel pressure from Father Time, but because the action has meaning for us. We act with intention rather than hustling from that reactionary space of I'm running out of time.
If you don't cultivate your belief, in your worthiness along every step of your journey, no accomplishment will suddenly change that. Stated another way, if you're taking action because you are judging your present state, no accomplishment is going to fix that judgmental part of yourself. It's just going to begin judging the next thing, once you get there. There is never going to be better than here because wherever you go, there you are. And those parts of you that are causing that pain, and that worry about your present state that you've got to fix and hurry up and do it, they're going to be with you wherever you go.
Frantic acting, and that desire to act as quickly as possible assumes that once you get there, things will be better and that there will be better than here. But that's just never the case. That part of you that is seeking validation, worthiness. and self appreciation, it's going to be there at the finish line waiting for you.
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So whenever you find yourself thinking and worrying, I'm running out of time, see it as a red flag that you have some judgment for your current state and your current value. It's a sign that we're chasing some kind of external thing to make you feel a certain way: worthy or successful or finally good enough. Whatever it may be. There's a part of you believing that where you are and who you are currently is not enough. We've got to hurry up and fix it. That my friends, is your work and that will remain your work no matter how many trophies, you accumulate. Whatever goal you're seeking, pursue for the sake of the pursuit. Pursue it so that you can practice believing in your own value every step of the way in the face of every challenge along the way.
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That is the only way to truly succeed and achieving it from any other place is only going to leave you empty. And when you achieve a goal or try and strive toward a goal, pressuring yourself with this idea that you're running out of time, it is a huge sign that you are running away from some feeling of unworthiness and judgment for yourself and where you currently are. And that is the only goal that you need to be focusing on, in your present state.
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All right, everyone, that is all we have for this week. Be sure to check out the show notes for additional resources on this topic, sign up for the newsletter or check out some free time management tools. As always, thanks for listening, and thanks for sharing with your friends.
And remember, if you like this content, please be sure to take 30 seconds to subscribe to the podcast and leave us a top rating on your listening platform. I would truly appreciate it. Be sure to tune in to our next two episodes where we are pivoting to some of my favorite topics that come up in nearly every coaching session: People pleasing and setting boundaries. I love these topics and I can't wait to dig into them with you and I hope that you'll join.
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